SESSION 19: ANTICIPATORY ATTITUDES
When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened.
Winston Churchill
Negative attitudes. The most common negative anticipatory attitudes are worries. Providing that you can’t do anything about the object of your worries, there is no point in ruining the present by worrying about the future. If what you worry about does not happen, worrying is misplaced, if it does, more reason to enjoy the present while you can. However, trying simply to suppress or inhibit worrying thoughts (following the common advice ‘just stop worrying’) does not help; in fact, it can even increase worrying[i]. There are some other ways to get around it.
· Worrying can be reduced if you manage to accept the worst possibility that may happen and make decisions about what to do in this case. If you are prepared for the worst, whatever happens you have nothing to worry about!
· It is easy to exaggerate the probability of an event though, so it also helps to determine what the realistic chances are that what you worry about will really happen.
· Habitual worriers may find relief if they allocate a limited period (e.g. a half hour) every day for worrying that is to occur at the same time (say, between 7 and 7.30pm) and in the same place, and postpone (not suppress) any worrying until then.
· Letting go of worries can be reinforced by a symbolic act. For example, you can write what you worry about on a piece of paper and put it in a box, shelve it, bury it, drop it into a lake, or tie it to a balloon that you let fly away. Of course, you don’t have to do in physically, imagination can be as effective.
· Pleasant and unpleasant distractions (e.g. watching TV) can also be facilitative, but only as long as they last.
Positive attitudes. create enthusiasm, increase energy and strengthen determination. People who are positive also experience less distress and adapt better to negative events. It is not surprising that they tend to be healthier and more productive. However, if a positive attitude becomes blind optimism or fantasy, it can result in carelessness or unrealistic expectations that can be unproductive in the long run. This can be avoided if you don’t allow wishful thinking to influence your assessment of the situation. Having a positive attitude is compatible with being realistic. It doesn’t mean being aware only of positive possibilities, but having confidence that negative ones can be overcome: ‘people who are optimistic see a failure as due to something that can be changed so that they can succeed next time around, while pessimists take the blame for failure, ascribing it to some lasting characteristic they are helpless to change.’[ii] So, as that old saying goes, ‘prepare for the worst and hope for the best’.
[i] Roemer, L. and Borkovec, T. (1993) ‘Worry: Unwanted cognitive Activity That Controls Unwanted Somatic Experience’ in Wegner, D. and Pennebaker, J. (ed.) Handbook of Mental Control Englewood Cliffs: Prentice Hall, from p.227
[ii] Ibid, p.88
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